Super Mario Brothers Girlfriend Swap
by The Spazzinator
Summary: And so, as the two princesses engaged in their semifinal soccer tournament battle, neither Mario brother was paying much attention to the game. Each one was instead admiring the other's girlfriend in silence, and each was unaware of his brother's musings.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, everyone! This is my first multi-chapter story. Expect a new chapter every week or so.  
**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Mario, or any of the other characters, or the franchise. If I did, I'd have better things to do than write fanfictions.**

**Anyway. On with the good stuff.**

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**The way she moved was so delicate, so graceful, and so precise that, even when she was ungraciously knocked to the ground, her every movement seemed expertly choreographed and rehearsed. Her long, slender legs swept the ball from her opponent's feet and, in an impossibly acrobatic maneuver, kicked it perfectly into the center of the goal, inches from the goalie's scaly grasp. Luigi thought of her actions as dance-like. Or maybe feline. And simply enchanting. Completely mesmerized by her, Luigi watched Princess Peach from the cover of the rabid fans swarming the bleachers of the stadium.

Just as Peach recovered the ball, Daisy brutally knocked her aside, snatching the ball and making a beeline for the opposite goal. Her powerful legs and elbows sent some of her opponents sprawling and others running for safety. In an equally dazzling display of acrobatic skill, she sent the ball flying into the goal so fast that, despite it being within the goalie's reach, he was too slow to react. Her sportsmanship was so fierce, so aggressive, and so reckless that it was almost... _manly_.

Mario found that extremely sexy.

And so, as the two princesses engaged in their semifinal soccer tournament battle, neither Mario brother was paying much attention to the game. Each one was instead admiring the other's girlfriend in silence, and each was unaware of his brother's musings.

"WINNER!" blared the announcer's voice. "Princess Daisy and the Hammer Brothers defeated Princess Peach and the Toads 6-4. Congratulations to Daisy's team: she will go on the the final round!"

Applause erupted from the crowd as Daisy posed for her fans. Peach simply walked into the locker room and out of sight, calling as little attention to herself as possible. The brothers looked to each other and nodded; they knew what to do.

"Meet you at the Italian place," said Luigi.

"Be there in twenty minutes," replied Mario before leaving to look for Peach.

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**So, yeah. I would love some feedback to make my story suck less, so please review. See you next-a time!**


	2. The Showdown Before the Showdown

**ZOMG ANOTHER CHAPTER!LOLZ!1!111**

**Enjoy. :)**

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**"So, are you ready for the finals?" said Luigi.

"Absolutely!" shouted Daisy between mouthfuls of food. "I'll totally clobber you, so watch out!"

Luigi eyed the fork Daisy waved in Mario's direction to get her point across. "Um, I was actually talking to Mario..." he muttered.

On the other side of the table, Mario set down his fork. "I'm ready," he replied coolly. "Because Daisy's reckless, and I can use that to my advantage. Besides," he added, wiping the corner of his mouth with a napkin, "I've seen her defense, and... let's just say it leaves something to be desired."

"Well, at least I actually play," she retorted. "All you do is try to look pretty for your fans. Here's a hint: cut down on the fatty foods!"

Luigi winced. _Yeesh_, he thought, _she's going right for the throat._

Mario's nostrils flared. "And here's a hint for _you,_ you uptight bitch: don't underestimate me, or you'll regret it!"

Daisy stood. Mario stood. They stared daggers at each other, while Luigi and Peach sat, uncomfortably aware of the attention of the whole room drawn to their booth. There were some moments of tense silence before Peach cleared her throat.

"I have to go," she said as she stood up. "Thank you for dinner, Mario." She waited for him to respond, and when he didn't, she quietly left the restaurant without him.

Luigi, however, would have to push past Daisy to get out of the booth. Which would likely mean death or mutilation, he figured, so that was out of the question. As he slid down to get under the table, Mario and Daisy were still glaring at each other. He imagined standing between the two and getting laser-fried by their eyes.

He managed to crawl under the table and head for the door with no injuries. But before he could get to the exit, Luigi felt guilty. He didn't want to leave Mario and Daisy to an eternal staring contest. So, he went back.

"Come on, Mario," said Luigi as he gently pulled his brother toward the door. "We have to go home now. Come on."

It wasn't until Mario was outside the restaurant and Daisy's line of vision that he could walk on his own. Since he was a bit preoccupied, Luigi decided to drive home.

The entire way back, Luigi tried to make conversation. He asked Mario how he liked his food, what he thought of the match earlier today, whether or not he thought he might win tomorrow. Each question was answered with a barely audible grumbling about "... get what's coming to her..." or "... gonna kick her ass..." or "... trying to diet..."


	3. Fantasy and Reality

"Luigi?"

"Mmf."

"Luigi."

"Kmfphk-huh?" He opened his eyes. He had been sleeping, but somehow standing. In front of him stood a beautiful blonde woman. Who was wearing a very short dress. And it was very see-through. And she wasn't wearing under-

Luigi cleared his throat, jarring himself from his thoughts. "What's going on?"

Peach smiled, looking down at her shoulder. "Nothing," she replied. "But that will change, soon enough."

She took a few floating steps toward him. Luigi's eyes drifted downward momentarily before snapping back up to meet hers. "But where's Mario? Shouldn't we-"

"Shh." The princess put one slender finger to his mouth. "Don't talk. Just relax."

Luigi gulped. "O-okay." He suddenly found it very hard to relax. They were inches from each other.

Peach lifted her finger away, then closed that short distance. Her lips were soft and cool, his hot and slightly parted in surprise. Though Luigi was completely still, she wrapped her arms around his neck, slowly sliding her tongue into his mouth and back out again. He started to respond; he placed his hands on her hips. The fabric bunched a little between his fingers. She ran a hand through his hair, knocking his hat to the ground. Luigi leaned in more to let his tongue run along the length of hers. Just as it reached the tip, Peach swirled her tongue around it. He moaned and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her even closer and the fabric up even farther.

Then she reached down with one of her hands. She ran her fingertips along his back down to his waist. As she deepened the kiss still, her hand rested lightly on his hip before making its way to his thigh and...

Luigi's eyes opened a second time. He was lying down. In a bed. Peach had disappeared. But his face was still hot and probably really red. He checked the region between his legs. _Yup,_ he concluded. _Better take care of that._

_

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_**I'm so embarrassed about this chapter. This is my first attempt at a sexy scene, so please be gentle. XP**

**EDIT: To clear up any confusion, this was just a dream.** **Never happened outside Luigi's perverted mind. 9_9**_  
_


	4. Mario Versus Daisy Part 1

**As an apology for that last chapter, here' s the next one early! :D**

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The stadium was abuzz with excitement. Antsy fans anticipated the match of the century: Mario, the famed and fiery hero, versus Princess Daisy, the sassy and scintillating star. As people laughed, yelled, whooped and cursed, Luigi weaved his way through the crowd while balancing a huge popcorn bucket and two sodas; it should be noted that he didn't spill a kernel. Peach took the burden of the soft drinks for his safety. They located their reserved seats and sat to watch the game.

Daisy, meanwhile, finished warming up and looked out at the arena. She saw Mario emerge from the locker room opposite hers, followed by his team of Birdos.

She whistled loudly for her sidekicks. "All right, boys," she shouted, "Let's go!" Her team headed out to meet Mario's at the center of the arena.

Mario yelled something at her, which she supposed was an insult. But he was inaudible due to the screaming crowd.

"Huh?" she yelled, motioning to her ear. "Huh! I can't hear you! Maybe you should get a stepladder!"

He shot her a menacing glare and kicked the infamous ball to the center line.

The announcer's narration echoed across the stadium so that anyone on the field couldn't understand a word of it. But Mario could already guess what the guy was saying: the match was about to begin. As if nobody could figure that out.

He crouched slightly, locking eyes with Daisy. He willed her to look away, look down, blink, but no. She was as stubborn as he.

The whistle sounded. The captains dashed for the ball. She sidestepped, then elbowed him in the face as she took control of the ball and the offense. It took only a few seconds for her to score the first goal of the game.

_That was a cheap shot,_ thought Mario, but saying it wouldn't help. He had the ball next anyway. On the next play, Mario's first move was to start right, but faked it and darted left. He had fooled Daisy, and by the time she recovered, he scored an equalizer goal.

Another time, he managed to swipe the ball from under her feet, passing it to a Birdo who scored another goal. Daisy responded with a tricky lob shot, and the score was tied again.

The game progressed in a similar manner after that, but the captains' attention slowly shifted from scoring to causing the opposing team pain. Daisy passed up a clean shot to give a Birdo a headbutt; Mario lost the ball so he could bash a Hammer Brother into the electric barrier at the edge of the field. Daisy grabbed a giant red shell power up and clobbered Mario's teammates, to which he retaliated with a loose and hungry Chain Chomp aimed at Daisy and her sidekicks.

By the time the final whistle blew, the soccer match had escalated into a full-out brawl. And the audience loved every second of it. Even Peach didn't seem to mind the excessive force that much.

"Time's up, and the scores are tied," blared the speakers. "You know what that means: OVERTIME!"

The stadium erupted with applause.

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**Since these chapters are so dang short, I'll be posting two every week instead of one. w00t.**


	5. Mario Versus Daisy Part 2

**Screw the two a week thingy. I'll just post the chapters whenever I get them done. I'm on a ROLL!**

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Kick. Block. Slam. Down went the Birdo.

"Ooh, that's gotta hurt," said Peach.

Trip. Smack. The ball flew into an unfortunate Hammer Brother's face.

"Nice shot," said Luigi.

Nearly everyone sat on the edge of the bleachers, trying to absorb every crucial moment. Each missed shot, each recovered ball, and each violent injury generated an audible reaction from the crowd.

"Who do you think will win?" asked Peach.

"I don't know," said Luigi, keeping his eye on the ball. "It's anyone's game, I guess."

"But they're both trying so hard, aren't they?" She winced as Daisy swept across Mario's legs to knock him down and recover the offense. "I just hope they'll stop fighting after this."

"Are you kidding?" he replied. "This is epic! If this game isn't war, I don't know what is."

The goalie's fingertips redirected the ball to the court, much to the dismay of Daisy's fans. Her team didn't seem to mind; most of them were unconscious. Mario's team wasn't in much better shape.

A referee stepped forward to blow the whistle, but a burning look from both team captains told him to stay silent.

There they stood, two minutes after overtime, at the center of the court. The ball was between them, but neither Mario nor Daisy saw it: they were glaring at each other yet again. They stood still, breathing sharply, sweat making their skin glow in the daylight. The field was littered with unmoving Hammer Brothers and Birdos. The goalies were wary but exhausted. And Daisy and Mario stood there, the center of a huge, chanting crowd. It was then that it happened.

One instant, they were burning holes in each other with their eyes.

The next, they were wrapped in each others' arms, kissing as passionately as they had been fighting moments ago.

The entire crowd was silent, save the clicking cameras and screaming MarioxDaisy fans. Peach covered her mouth with one hand, eyes wide and body shivering. Luigi's jaw dropped as the popcorn bucket slipped from his fingers and fell to the floor. Neither of them noticed.

While Mario and Daisy were making out, a Hammer Brother struggled to his feet. He looked around for a minute. Then, he quietly located the ball- several feet from the two captains- and kicked it to the goalie's net. Since everyone's attention was focused on the public display of affection, including the goalie, Daisy's team scored the golden goal.

Unfortunately, the announcer had also been paying attention to the scandal and not the sport, so it took him a while to realize what happened. Finally, the referee pointed it out to him. He cleared his throat.

"Um... The winner is Daisy and the Hammer Brothers," said the announcer. "In a... stunning turn of events, she has won the Gold Cup."

The crowd cheered absently before they left.


	6. The Aftermath

**Pardon me. I have nothing to say.**

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The four protagonists made their way outside silently. All of them avoided eye contact and ignored the fans who found it funny to point out to them what had just happened. As if they didn't know.

Once they were somewhat alone, Mario broke the silence with a laugh. "Well," he said, "that was a good game, huh?"

Peach tapped him on the shoulder. "Mario? A word." She grabbed his elbow, leading him around the corner and out of sight.

Luigi and Daisy stood in uncomfortable silence. He looked down, over, around, up, anywhere but at Daisy's face. She tapped her foot, her arms crossed.

"Well?" she finally said. "Aren't you going to break up with me?"

Luigi looked her in the eye. "I..." His gaze shifted back to his shoe. "I kinda thought we already were. Since you, you know..."

"Yeah," said Daisy. What would've been awkward silence after that was disrupted by slapping and other violent sounds.

Peach's voice could be heard: "You son of a bitch! You bastard!"

Mario's in response: "Ow! That's my eye!"

After several moments of beating the ever-loving crap out of her boyfriend, Peach marched past Daisy and Luigi with her head held high. Mario stumbled back to the other two.

"Whew," he said, wiping blood from his split lip. Luigi noticed a black eye forming and a shoe-print embedded in his nose. "Women. Am I right?" Mario's remark failed to ease any tension in the air.

Luigi looked at the princess' retreating figure, then at his beaten brother and ex-girlfriend, then at the former, then the latter. As he failed to make up his mind, Daisy inspected Mario's injuries. She ran a hand over his face, his nose, his swelling lip. Then they started making out again. Luigi felt even more awkward, so he went after Peach.

"Wait!" he called. "Wait for me!"


	7. The Lamely Titled Chapter

**You know, these chapters look a lot longer in my word processor...**

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Whether she could hear him or not, Peach continued walking. She made a left turn. He followed. She glanced to the left, then turned right. He followed. She moved across the street without so much as batting an eyelash at the swerving cars and their screaming owners. He nearly fainted; then, after the light signaled that it was safe to cross the street, he followed her.

Finally, she went inside a building. Luigi went in after her. He didn't recognize the place until he was inside: it was their usual restaurant. She was sitting in a booth, her shoes on the seat next to her; her head rested on the table, covered by her arms.

Unsure of himself, Luigi sat across from her. "Hey," he said.

Her head snapped up in alarm. Once she realized who it was, though, the astonishment left her eyes. "Oh," she replied, sitting up straight. "H-hey, Luigi."

"Hey," he repeated. He looked at her for a moment. Then he snatched the menu, trying to seem very interested in the various pasta sauces.

Peach dabbed her puffy eyes with a napkin. "I can't believe they did that," she hiccuped. "My boyfriend and my... my best friend. I'm so embarrassed, and betrayed... Why would they do that?"

"You're not the only one," replied Luigi. "That was my brother, you know."

Peach was astonished for a second time. "You're right. I'm sorry." She looked down at her lap. "I guess this is harder on you, huh?"

"Eh, not really," he said honestly. "I mean, I kinda figured something might happen. Not the making out with Mario thing, that was a real shocker. But. We were having. You know. Issues." _Great,_ he thought, _I'm sputtering like a dying car engine. Real nice._

"Really?" She sniffled, still looking down. "What kind of issues?"

"Differences in opinion, mostly. When to be passive and when to be assertive, standing up for your beliefs, you should try wearing the pants once in a while, Luigi. Things like that."

A small smile formed on her lips. "Oh."

Encouraged, he continued. "And the worst part was, she would yell at me every time I let her boss me around. Then she would yell at me for letting her yell at me."

Despite herself, Peach burst out laughing. "What! No. No. Really? No."

"No, really."

She laughed again, which caused him to laugh. Then she laughed at him laughing, so he laughed even harder. They sat there laughing at themselves and their misery for a minute or two before Luigi stood up.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

He thought for a moment. "Well, I'm not very hungry right now, are you?"

She shook her head, grabbed her shoes, and the two of them left the restaurant together.


	8. I'm Running Out of Chapter Names

Peach and Luigi walked along the sidewalk, not really paying attention to where they were going. He started by asking her what it was like to be royalty, and somehow wound up telling stories of his epic adventures with Mario. He was glad when she laughed in all the right places.

She sighed wistfully. "I wish I could go on adventures like that."

"You could, you know."

"No, I couldn't." She shook her head. "A princess can't just put herself in danger willy-nilly."

"But you have Mario to protect you."

"I'm not so sure of that anymore."

Luigi stopped and looked her in the eye. "Then I'll protect you." There was a moment's pause. His eyes were searching hers for something he didn't know if he could see. "Besides," he added, looking at something ten feet ahead of him, "Mario would be crazy to stop helping you. He wouldn't keep doing it for so many years if it didn't mean something to him."

She nodded. "I suppose you're right, but..." The sentence hung in the air, never to be finished.

They walked in silence for a while after that. Conversation slowly crept back in, but they both avoided the subjects of being royalty and going on adventures.

"Hey, look," said Luigi. "A mini-golf course."

Peach looked at him questioningly. "You play mini-golf?"

"Sure," he replied. "Mario and I played all the time when we were kids. Come on, I'll pay."

"I'm not very good..."

"You don't have to be," he grinned. "It's more fun that way anyway."

They went inside and picked out their clubs, none of which were long enough. When they picked out which ball they would each use, they of course chose green and pink. Luigi grabbed a pencil and scorecard and they went to the first hole to putt.

"Okay, I'll start," he said. He lined up his shot very carefully, then hit the ball. It was perfectly aimed, but he hadn't hit it hard enough and it veered left inches from the hole, just missing it.

Peach was next; she stood still for several moments, trying to analyze what to do. He asked if she needed a hand. She shook her head.

Then she tapped the ball, and it wasn't even close.

They played like that for a few holes, and it was clear that Peach was getting a bit frustrated at the game.

Eventually, she shook her head. "I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong."

"Okay," said Luigi, "I'll help. Line up your shot."

She stood, club at the ready. He walked around her in a circle, shaking his head.

She turned red. "What?"

He smiled. "You're doing it wrong. Here." He held his club as if to putt. "Your toes have to line up with where you're aiming."

Peach looked down, shifting her feet, then looked across to the hole and readjusted.

"Your left foot needs to go forward a little," he noted. She shifted again.

"Like this?"

"Good. Now," he stood behind her, gently grabbing hold of her arms. "Just relax, and move like this." He lifted the club slightly, so it wouldn't hit the ball, and swayed back and forth, causing her to move with him. He could faintly smell her hair, and God, did it smell good...

She lowered the club, and the ball rolled smoothly into the hole.

"Just like that!" He reluctantly let go of her and stepped back.

She turned, smiling. "Thank you!"

He shrugged. "It's all in the hips."

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**Just so you know, I appreciate every review I get. So don't take it the wrong way when I say PLEASE REVIEW! Because I'm really insecure and I need you to tell me that my story isn't all that bad, or if it sucks, how to make it better. Please? ... Hello? Anyone?**


	9. Where We Stand

It was dark when they left. They were outside, laughing about their game, walking yet again. Luigi was carrying Peach's shoes.

"Hey," he said. "It's probably not safe for you to travel alone. Maybe I could walk you home...?"

"Sure," she smiled. "I'd like that."

It was a long way to the castle, but neither of them seemed to mind. The night was clear and cool, with a very light breeze. Perfect weather for a stroll. Neither had much to say; they simply gazed at the city as they walked. For once, Luigi didn't feel the need to break the silence.

Neither of them made a sound until Peach gasped.

"What is it?"

She pointed upward.

He looked. In less than an hour, storm clouds had swirled overhead, already threatening a downpour. A drop of water landed on his nose.

"We should probably-" A huge thunderclap interrupted Luigi, and whatever he had to say was replaced with a squeak. Three large drops of rain plopped on the ground next to them, then it immediately began to pour.

Peach grabbed him by the wrist, pulling him under the protruding roof of a nearby house. "Are you okay?"

He nodded, aware that he looked and felt far from okay. _And here I was telling her I'd be the brave one..._

She grinned. "Good. Now, we make a run for it!"

"Huh!" Before Luigi could protest, she was making a mad dash for the castle. He battled for a moment between his fear of lightning and getting stuck in the rain alone, and ran after her. She seemed to slow down so he could catch up.

She grabbed his wrist a second time. "Come on!" And so they ran, her pulling him along, as she splashed through every puddle in their path. Luigi could hear her laughing over the heavy rain. He could also feel the color drain from his face as thunder roared through the sky again.

Their feet finally slapped dry ground, just at the door of Peach's castle. Puddles formed where they stood as the water dripped from their soaked clothes, and their hair clung to their flushed faces. Her laughing eyes met his stupefied ones. She went to take her shoes from his soaking hand, and let hers linger.

"Thank you, Luigi. For everything."

She leaned in closer to him, though they were already less than a foot from each other. A million thoughts raced through Luigi's mind, each more vivid than the last. _Will she kiss me? Invite me inside? Have me spend the night?_ He gulped. He blinked and closed his eyes. His heart raced. He could feel her breath on his face; she was mere inches away.

Peach kissed him lightly on the cheek. She smiled as she said the damning words:

"You're such a good friend."

Luigi froze as she went inside. He stood for several minutes, stone still save for his left eye twitching furiously. He walked away, still twitching, not even acknowledging the rainstorm with so much as a shiver.

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**As much as I love this pairing, it wouldn't be me if I didn't make everything suck for Luigi!**


	10. Shortness and Fillerness

Mario looked out the window at the pouring had been gone for hours. _And he's scared of lightning... I hope he's okay._

Then he shook his head. _He's a Mario. Of course he'll be fine. It's just a little rain, after all._

He rubbed his eye sleepily as he opened the refrigerator for a midnight snack. _Let's see... There's apples and oranges... I should probably eat something healthy this time. On the other hand..._ Mario opened the freezer and, after a moment's hesitation, took out a tub of ice cream.

_Rocky Road, you've bested me again._ He scooped out a large spoonful and put it in his mouth, savoring the cold, sweet flavor, when the door opened.

He turned. There stood Luigi, soaked through and through. "Hey, Weege!" called Mario, swallowing the ice cream so he could talk. "Are you- gah! Brainfreeze!- How are you, man? What happened?"

Luigi didn't answer. He didn't even seem to realize his brother was there. Mario noticed his left eye twitching as the younger went wordlessly to his room and slammed the door.

The former stared blankly after the latter. "Huh. Maybe the lightning spooked him," he wondered out loud.

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**Sorry this one's so short (actually, I probably could've tacked it onto the next one). I promise, the next chapter won't disappoint... probably.**


	11. In Which Luigi is Out Of Character

The next morning, Luigi woke with little memory of the day before. He yawned loudly, stretched, and rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he wondered absently why his still-wet clothes were hanging up in his closet. Without bothering to change out of his pajamas, Luigi made his way to the kitchen.

There sat Mario, munching happily on a bowl of Lucky Charms. "Hey, Weege," he called, "How'd it go last night? Did you have a good time?"

Still groggy, Luigi answered with some cross between a yawn and a grumble.

"Good," replied Mario. "This is the last of the Lucky Charms. I can pick some up later. I hope you don't mind."

A blink. "Of course not."

"Good," he grinned. There was a pause. "Actually, I wanted to tell you something-"

"Hey, is he up?" interrupted a familiar female voice. Mario winced at the sound.

Luigi connected voice to face and, by the time she entered the room, he already knew who it was.

"Daisy."

"Morning," she said brightly, failing to notice either brother's discomfort.

"I, well..." Mario explained. "She spent the night. Does- ahem- does that bother you?"

"Of course not," replied Luigi. His face revealed no expression, but memories from the night before flooded back. The game. The restaurant. The golf course. The rainstorm.

The kiss on the cheek.

"_You're such a good friend."_

Silence. The only movements were Daisy casually grabbing a yogurt from the fridge, unaware still of the tension in the room, and Luigi's left eye twitching.

Mario frowned. "Really? You're okay with it?"

"OF COURSE NOT!" Luigi bellowed, causing the other two to leap back in alarm. "You could've told me or something! Jesus, bro, this is my _girlfriend_ we're talking about here! Would it have killed you to maybe give me a day or two to get over it! And you!" He wheeled around to look Daisy in the eye. "I was a great guy, and a great boyfriend! But was that good enough for you? No! You had to go and make it suck for both of us! 'Be more like your brother, Luigi! Try to be manlier like your brother! And eat more; you should put on a few pounds so you look like him, too!'" He said this last part in a shrill mockery of Daisy's voice.

She glared at him, insulted, confused, taken aback. "I," she said slowly, "have never been so turned on in my life."

Luigi started to laugh hysterically, and Mario and Daisy exchanged worried looks. "Um... Weege?" said Mario. "You're getting a crazy look in your eye..."

But his brother didn't hear him. Luigi's laughter grew louder and higher with each second, drowning out any other sounds. He put on his shoes and jacket, still shrieking with laughter, while Mario and Daisy approached him.

"Where are you going?" they asked in unison.

Luigi stopped laughing abruptly and pondered for a moment. "I'm going to talk to Peach. I'm going to tell her to treat me like I'm not some girlfriend of hers." The way he spoke was now eerily calm.

Realization dawned on Mario's face. Had he had more time to react, he might have said, "Good luck, buddy. I've been barking up that tree for twenty freakin' years."

Luigi opened the door to leave, but stopped. Without warning, he turned to Mario and screamed, "And Lucky Charms are my favorite breakfast, you ass!"

And so an enraged (and temporarily insane) Luigi set out for Peach's castle, leaving the other two to wonder what had gotten into him.


	12. When Crazy Meets Source of Crazy

**Sorry this one took so long (more than twenty-four hours, I think. OMG!). I've been trying to write a few chapters ahead, and the next ones are pretty... well, I won't spoil, so never mind. On with the story!**

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Princess Peach was sitting in her bedroom when it happened.

She was doing more than sitting, actually. She was talking on the phone with a frantic Daisy.

"You don't understand! He's gone mad!"

"Who has?" Peach's brow furrowed.

"I just told you!" screamed the phone.

A quiet knock on the door. "Oh, that might be my breakfast. Can I call you back?"

"What? No! This is-" But Peach didn't hear her. She'd already hung up to open the door.

A Toad stepped into the room, bowing as soon as there was enough space. "Message for you, Your Highness. Someone is calling for you."

"Really?" _This early in the morning?_ "Who is it?"

As if on cue, the door was slammed open further, knocking the unfortunate Toad against the wall. In the doorway stood Luigi, looking like he was ready to kill. "Peach!" he bellowed. "I've got a question for you!"

She tilted her head, eyes wide and innocent. "Sure, Luigi. What is it?"

"I..." He trailed off. He tried again. "What did you... Why did... You're such... Uh..." Each time Luigi started a new sentence, he lost his train of thought just as quickly.

As the anger left Luigi prematurely, Peach simply waited. He moved his mouth a few times, but no words came out. Finally, he shook his head.

"Okay," said Peach, as calmly as if this happened every week. "While you're working on that, I have a question for you."

Luigi blinked a few times in confusion. "Sure," he said slowly. "What is it?"

"Why did you come here, unannounced, in your pajamas?"

He looked down, realizing too late that he hadn't thought this through. Whatever anger left in his system was replaced by shame. There were some moments of awkward silence.

Mario raced into the room, followed closely by Daisy.

"Peach! Are you okay!"

"Snap out of it, Weege!"

But Luigi was standing there, docile and embarrassed, and Peach was completely unfazed.

No one stirred, and no one talked. Mario and Daisy were watching Luigi and Peach; Peach was looking at Luigi; Luigi was staring at his shoes.

The Toad stood, rubbing his head. "Ow..."

"Sorry," Luigi mumbled.

As the Toad opened his mouth to yell at Luigi, he noticed all four of them standing there. "Hey," he said, "What gives? Why are you all here?"

"Actually," said Peach, "I was just wondering that..."

Mario turned slowly to Luigi. "Yeah, Weege. Tell them why we're here," he said in a tone of amusement.

All eyes were on the man in the pajamas. The fact that he was wearing green only served to highlight the redness of his face. After two seconds, he cleared his throat.

"Just wanted to say hi," he lied. "And- Oh my, look at the time! I haven't even eaten breakfast yet. Good day, Princess."

On that note, he bowed and reached up to tip his hat, only to discover that he wasn't wearing his hat, and turned on his heel and bolted out the door.


	13. In the Dark of the Night

That night, a shadowy figure could be seen, if you knew where to look and what to look for; it darted from the cover of one building to the next, avoiding the light of the full moon. Its black cloak billowed as it ran, and fell to shapelessly surround the figure when it stopped.

For a few minutes the figure stood, motionless and nearly invisible in the shadows. Then, another figure, taller and slimmer but otherwise identical, stepped soundlessly into a nearby shadow. The two spoke so quietly that one could easily mistake it for the light wind.

"Is it true?" said the shorter one. "What he said?"

"Yes," said the other. "She confirmed it."

"So, it appears they don't quite see eye to eye..."

The taller one took a step closer. "What do you think we should do?"

The first figure pondered for a moment. "Looks like we'll just have to do this the old-fashioned way."

He stepped out of the shadow and removed his hood; it was none other than Mario.

"If Peach is going to see Luigi in a different light, he'll have to be heroic. He'll have to rescue her from Bowser."

Daisy removed her hood and stepped into the moonlight as well. "Are you really suggesting that we convince Bowser to kidnap Peach?"

Mario shook his head. "Luigi wouldn't be able to fight the real thing. I'm saying _we_ should kidnap her, and make it _look_ like Bowser did it."

And so the two of them whispered their master plan in the shelter and secrecy of the night, and the only witness was the full moon.

* * *

**Okay, I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is, I've got a nasty case of Writer's Block for this story. Dun dun DUUUNNNN!**

**The good news: I've still got a chapter or two I haven't published yet. If I can't get any more writing done soon, I can at least edit and publish these chapters. Also, I will be writing another project so when I get stuck on one, I can work on the other. I won't reveal too much, but here's what I'll say about it: ZOMBIES!**

**I'm very sorry for the delay of these future chapters. They will be published as soon as they are ready.  
**


	14. The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men

**Um... wow. People seem to really think Mario's a jerk in this story. Well, I think he's not. He has good intentions... even though he acts like a jerk. :P**

* * *

Luigi Mario approached the Mushroom Kingdom Castle slowly, with hands in pockets and eyes fixed on the pavement. His mind alternated between replaying the horrible scene from his last visit and wondering what the letter meant, and whether there would be any cake.

As he neared the castle, his eyes drifted upward to the central tower, no doubt where Princess Peach was waiting. He could even see her on the balcony.

Moving. No, that wasn't right.

Struggling.

There was someone else there. Luigi squinted to see what it was, but they had already moved inside, out of view.

"HELP!" screamed the Princess. Her mouth must have been covered; she no longer made a sound.

By instinct, Luigi dashed for the door. A shadow formed in front of him, then zipped to the other side of him, growing bigger by the instant. Before he could turn around to see what the shadow belonged to, it crashed to the ground just behind him.

The earth shook, tripping Luigi so he fell on his back.

He tilted his head to see what was going on. Even upside-down, the scene in front of him was easy to recognize: there stood Bowser, King of the Koopas, with the tied and gagged Princess tucked under his arm like a football. In the instant it took King Koopa to regain his footing and run, Peach cast the plumber a terrified, pleading look.

Bowser ran away, incredibly fast for such a big Koopa. His earth-shaking steps were as loud as his triumphant laughter. One of them- Peach or Bowser, it was impossible to tell- dropped something as he took off. The item rolled within Luigi's grasp. He picked it up; it was a Mushroom.

He scrambled to his feet.

Call for help? There was no time.

Rescue the Princess? There was no choice.

He popped the Mushroom into his mouth, feeling the surge of energy and power. Without knowing what he was thinking, or even _if_ he was thinking, Luigi gave chase.

Meanwhile, Mario stood nearby, unseen in the bushes where he had a perfect view of what had just happened.

"Excellent," he said aloud to nobody. "The plan is going perfectly."

Something closely resembling Bowser bounded up next to him. In an unusually high-pitched voice, it spoke: "Alright, I'm ready!"

He turned in surprise to the monster. "That voice... Daisy?"

She removed her Bowser mask to reveal her face. "Yup! Like the costume?"

Mario stared at her, open-mouthed. He looked at where Luigi had run off, then back at her, understanding slowly appearing on his face. Once he realized what had just happened, Mario screamed and took off toward the impending disaster.

Moments later, his cell phone rang. Without even slowing down to glance at the caller ID, he answered.

"What is it!"

"What's going on?" asked Daisy.

"He kidnapped her!"

"Who did? Luigi?"

"No! Bowser!"

"Oh."

"Hurry," shouted Mario, "we've gotta stop him!"

"Bowser?"

"NO! LUIGI!"

"Oh!"

Mario hung up, still sprinting to where he knew this showdown would take place: Bowser's Castle in World Eight. _Please, _he thought. _Please don't let me be too late!_

_

* * *

_**So, to answer your question, no, I'm not dead, and no, I didn't drop off the face of the earth. 9_9**_  
_


End file.
